Doc Love: Dealing With An Alpha Female

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_300/308b_relationship_expert.html
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We don't break up with women -- they drop us. Get it? Sure, something was missing for her -- 51 points of Interest Level! It was 100% for around 180 days, but you managed to lower it to 49%. That's the missing "chemistry" she was talking about. Chemistry is the twin sister of Challenge.

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http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_300/368b_relationship_expert.html
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http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/418_relationship_expert.html
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she “just doesn’t get along with other girls”
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she’s emotionally cheating on me ?

How do I combat her alpha-female habits/ attitudes and also keep her stimulated enough so that her alpha-female personality doesn’t get bored ? Please help !
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doc love’s answer

Hi Foster,

I’m going a little out of order here, but please bear with me. Number two: You dated this girl when she was between 18 and 22. And when you fall in love with a babe in that age range, you’re asking for trouble. Like the old Chinese proverb goes, “At that age they’re a tad flighty, grasshopper.”
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you’ve been drop-kicked

You guys didn’t break up; Sara dropped you. She dropped you because she wanted the attention of 500 other guys.
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Did you notice that Sara talked only about how much you care about her and she’s not talking about her wild passion for you? And all this isn’t because she’s a so-called “alpha female,” it’s because you turned her off and she has low Interest Level.

tap dancing on her ego

All you guys ever want to do is rationalize the woman’s behavior. Every time a woman does something nasty to you, you make the excuse that she’s an alpha female, that she’s shy or that she’s been hurt. You always come up with a second, third or fourth reason why you got dumped, but never the FIRST, MOST IMPORTANT REASON -- which is LOW INTEREST LEVEL. This girl doesn’t dig you. And if you did leave her the first time -- which I doubt -- she only came back to you because she couldn’t believe that you didn’t come crawling back to her begging like 90% of guys do when she’s in that 40% to 49% Interest Level range.

Sara only told you she wanted to be with you forever to get you back because you rubbed her ego wrong. She was just playing an ego game with you, and now you have her mixed up with an alpha female -- which is really a bunch of BS.

... She craves attention and she has to have it. ... She probably has very low self-esteem and one man will never be able to fulfill her.” You don’t stand a chance, buddy.

... alpha females with high Interest Level don’t play games with their men. ... She’s about as alpha as they come and even the fact that her husband has repeatedly cheated on her hasn’t lowered her Interest Level.

And by the way, when is Sara going to learn to handle all this male attention ? When she’s collecting Social Security ?

she’s running with the pack

Dude, why would you want to be with a girl who’s running around with your friends ? ...

... Whether she gets along with other girls or not is not an issue here. The point -- the only point -- is her Interest Level toward you. ... This whole thing about incorporating you into her “guy-friend time” has absolutely nothing to do with the issue of her interest in you. ...

Sara’s not scared of settling down. As a matter of fact, she’s not scared of anything. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “She’s only scared of having to spend time with you, when she’d rather be with the rugby team !”

she has to like you to cheat

And she’s not cheating on you either; to cheat on you she’d have to have high Interest Level in you in the first place.

Sadly, you can’t keep Sara from getting bored. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says: “Too late, dawg. Her Interest Level crossed over into Mexico.”

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... For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another ?”

How To Deal With Bored Married Women

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_300/303_relationship_expert.html

How To Deal With Bored Married Women

By Doc Love

Web Site: Doc Love's System: click here

Success Coach

This week's letter comes from a guy who wants to know why bored, married, rich women keep coming on to him.

reader's question

Hey Doc,
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unhappily married women

What's complicating this situation is that I seem to keep running into unhappily married women who show an interest in me. These are women whom I've met through my work (I own a small manufacturing business.) I'll give you examples.

First there's Dominique, a stunning Frenchwoman who is married to an American man. He's a successful financial analyst; a very nice man (I've met him a couple of times) and they have two young children. The problem, says Dominique, is that she's not in love with her husband anymore. He doesn't pay attention to her and is always working. They are well off and have all the trappings; it goes without saying. She claims that she is physically attracted to me, but so far when we've been alone, she has made no move to touch me.

unhappily separated women

Another example is Ava, a gorgeous redhead in the process of getting separated from her wealthy stockbroker husband. They have five kids, and her complaints about her soon-to-be-ex are the same as Dominique's, with the addition that Ava's husband is also mentally and physically abusive. Ava and her kids are also well provided for, but she's not happy. She also says she's attracted to me, but when we went for a walk in the park the other day, she said that she "wasn't ready" to go any further at this point because her head's "not right." But what threw me for a loop is that she revealed to me right afterward that she's already dating a musician.
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doc love's answer

Hi Quentin,
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these gals are coming to you for business reasons. You haven't talked about trying to meet females by working the Internet, or going to a dance club, or attending a cooking class or awareness seminar.

The point is that you're really not going out and consciously "meeting" this type of woman.
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They just appear to be it for the time being.

were these women in love ?

Did you ask Dominique if when she married her poor sap of a husband she was in love with him ?
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Don't you see that, Quentin? And don't for a minute jump to the conclusion that the mess she's in is definitely the fault of her husband. What she's handing you is just Womanese for "I'm bored, and I need to play with someone else's head for a while !"

Here's another question you should have asked her: How does she think her kids are going to be provided for after she dumps hubby ? I hate to have to break this to you, pal, but Dominique's selfish, and all she's thinking about is herself, not her kids. And they deserve to be thought about. After all, like my cousin Brother Love says, "The little ones didn't ask for your misery, did they ?"

These women are players, so it's time you started using them ...
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need someone to moan to about how terrible their lives are
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be patient with women

So, buddy, rather than get yourself entangled in a quagmire with one of these two temptresses, what you're going to do is get Dominique and Ava to set you up with their best-looking girlfriends who are single. Tell them, "Next time you want to get together and talk about your husband problems, bring along one of your hottest friends. In fact, bring along two of them. I don't want you to think I'm a hog or anything, but what the heck, let's spread all this love around !"

You're not going to go chasing after these two beauties, Quentin.
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Ava and Dominique might be lovely on the outside, but they're not lovely on the inside.

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AM Topic: Dream Job

http://www.askmen.com/money/keywords/dream-job.html
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Nomad Jobs
Want to see the world while earning some cash ? These career paths will take you around the globe.
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http://www.askmen.com/money/keywords/dream-job.html
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Public health administrators will mostly work in hospitals or for government health organizations and authorities. Internationally, especially in developing countries still getting up to speed on health issues and consequences, this field is taking off. Groups like the UN and the World Health Organization are in need of trained, educated professionals to play critical roles in addressing the health needs and infrastructure of emerging nations.

Essential functions of this nomad job will often include the fundamentals, such as financial management, purchasing and human resources. Specific tasks include outlining surveillance strategies to aid in combating the spread of communicable diseases, emergency response protocols for outbreaks, and proposals for cost-effective education and prevention. Many of these jobs can be found through the UN, the World Health Organization and international governments and municipalities. Additionally, many masters’ programs at U.S. universities offer international internships within a multitude of countries.
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ESL teacher

A position as an educator seems to offer universal employment -- and if you’re strong in a second language, landing an ESL position somewhere on this vast planet may be of interest. The pay for such positions is typically not great and is commensurate with the nation you are placed in, but the worldwide exposure is often what ESL teachers seek.

Obtaining certification is relatively simple and can be done online via a four-year university or an independent training provider. The actual job placement can be a little tricky, as it often involves working with missionaries or other non-profit types. In this case, you may have to pay to be a part of the program, but the group handles everything from accommodation arrangements, to food, to security -- but financially, you are on your own. The benefit, of course, is being able to see other parts of the world and having an experienced group make sure you have all of your i’s dotted and t’s crossed when it comes to immigration paperwork, safety regulations and security.

Of course, more regular, full-time paying jobs exist in places such as international schools and programs that are offered to employees and families of U.S. companies that are operating outside of the country.

globetrotting professions

The above are just a handful of the professional-grade careers that exist throughout the world and allow you to earn top-grade pay and provide genuine career advancement opportunities. So, before you become the traveling salesperson for your organization in an effort to see more of the world, understand that there are alternatives.

Resources:
www.shipwreck.net
www.epiccompanies.com
www.washingtonpost.com
www.aapg.org
www.bls.gov
http://en.wikipedia.org

Jobs You Can't Apply For

http://www.askmen.com/money/career_200/243_career.html

Jobs You Can't Apply For

By Dimitri A.C. Ly

Career Advisor

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Too many high school and university graduates think they can get the job of their dreams just by earning the right diploma. Even seasoned professionals seem to be under this mistaken impression as they make drastic career changes without taking into account the experience required to pursue certain positions.
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Here are four jobs you can’t apply for unless you’ve already been with the company for some time.

Bartender

Don’t be fooled by all the bartending schools out there; most barmen start out as busboys, wiping tables and clearing dirty dishes.
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Columnist

As personal blogs and websites grow increasingly popular, more and more writers seem to be under the impression that they can become columnists for a major publication just by sending out a few sample articles along with their resume. In fact, publishers typically hire their columnists internally, selecting the most consistent and popular journalists in their roster, so you need years of experience with the actual periodical.

Contrary to popular belief, the reason “columnist” is one of the jobs you can’t apply for has nothing to do with literary or journalistic elitism. Like most things in the corporate world, it’s about making money. Newspaper and magazine publishers are in the business of selling copies, so they need to know that their columnists can attract a loyal fan base within the periodical’s established readership.

We know, it sucks because they're cool positions ...

Television producer

The television industry is full of jobs you can’t apply for.
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Foreman

When it comes to craft and trade occupations, employers typically value experience over academic training, so don’t expect any authority until you’ve paid your dues with the company. In the logging sector, for example, foremen are expected to have worked at least a decade in the field, which is why the position is on our list of jobs you can’t apply for fresh out of school.
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Resources: www.ehow.com

Career - Creating your own future

Career overview:
Why I am in the fitness business

Aspects that appeal to me: ...
Mental benefits I receive from working in fitness industry: ...
How I describe my work to others: ... (group fitness instructor)
What I really do: ... (Inspire dozens of peoples a week to work toward better health)

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Types of clients I currently work well with: ...
I could work better with these clients if: ...
Jobs I could have working with these clients: ...

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Start A Habit

http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_200/223_better_living.html

4 Steps: Start A Habit

By Ross Bonander

Stress Management Specialist

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When you try to start a habit, you can only implement it successfully by first manufacturing a series of smaller elements.

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step 1 Be realistic

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step 2 Make it easy

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step 3 Do it at a regular time

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step 4 Acknowledge your first landmark

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Artistic temperament

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Search&search=attachment&fulltext=Search&ns0=1&redirs=0

Attachment

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder#Causes

Although increasing numbers of childhood mental health problems are being attributed to genetic defects,^[50] reactive attachment disorder is by definition based on a problematic history of care and social relationships. Abuse can occur alongside the required factors, but on its own does not explain attachment disorder.^[51] It has been suggested that types of temperament, or constitutional response to the environment, may make some individuals susceptible to the stress of unpredictable or hostile relationships with caregivers in the early years.^[52] In the absence of available and responsive caregivers it appears that some children are particularly vulnerable to developing attachment disorders.^[53]

There is as yet no explanation for why similar abnormal parenting may produce the two distinct forms of the disorder, inhibited and disinhibited. The issue of temperament and its influence on the development of attachment disorders has yet to be resolved. RAD has never been reported in the absence of serious environmental adversity yet outcomes for children raised in the same environment vary widely.^[54]

In discussing the neurobiological basis for attachment and trauma symptoms in a seven-year twin study, it has been suggested that the roots of various forms of psychopathology, including RAD and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), can be found in disturbances in affect regulation. The subsequent development of higher-order self-regulation is jeopardized and the formation of internal models is affected. Consequently the "templates" in the mind that drive organized behavior in relationships may be impacted. The potential for “re-regulation” (modulation of emotional responses to within the normal range) in the presence of “corrective” experiences (normative caregiving) seems possible. Like many other papers in this poorly-researched area many new avenues of enquiry are raised.^[55]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rage-reduction

(Redirected from Rage-reduction)

This article is about a specific form of therapy commonly known as "attachment therapy". For therapies based on Bowlby's attachment theory, see Attachment-based therapy (children).

Attachment therapy is the most commonly used term for a controversial category of alternative child mental health interventions intended to treat attachment disorders. The term generally includes accompanying parenting techniques. Attachment therapy is a treatment used primarily with fostered or adopted children who have behavioral difficulties, including disobedience and lack of gratitude or affection for their caregivers. The children's problems are ascribed to an inability to attach to their new parents because of suppressed rage due to past maltreatment and abandonment.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting#Eight_principles_of_attachment_parenting

Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,^[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood. Failure to form this early childhood parental bond will ostensibly give rise to reactive attachment disorder, the symptoms of which are defined differently by Attachment Parenting International^[2] and the DSM-IV definition.^{[citation needed]}

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperament#Artistic_temperament

Artistic temperament

Those who are highly artistic sometimes show dramatic swings in emotion. While not solely possessed by artists, it is highly prevalent among artists of all media, including painters, sculptors, musicians, writers, etc. This behavior is often characterized by being highly passionate about subjects of importance to the possessor of this behavior, extremely dedicated to certain goals, often hyper-aware of the presence of others, and at other times seemingly oblivious to the presence of others. It is also accompanied by the full range of all the emotions, often elevated to extremes. There is a theory^{[citation needed]} that this due to the high instance of bipolar disorder in the artistic community, however this is a subject of debate. In addition, there is controversy as to the artistic temperament being so prevalent due to prototypical behaviors being elicited in response to what is perceived to be a part of an artistic identity or culture ...

Modern psychology deals only with the inner world, that is, the world of consciousness and its conditions. The nature of the mind and its relations to the organism are questions that belong to philosophy or metaphysics. As a consequence, also, modern psychology fails to distinguish between the spiritual faculties of the soul, i.e. those which the soul exercises itself without the intrinsic co-operation of the organism, and the faculties of the compositum, i.e. the soul and organism united in one complete principle of action, or of one special animated organ.

Standing apart from Materialistic and trend-driven notions, Faculty Psychology posits human behavior being related to the mental or spiritual faculties: Reason, Will, the moral sense, gumption, love, and, imagination and creativity.

Studies show only as much as 75% of human behavior is caused by stimulus-response mechanisms. The other 25% (or more) can be thought of as coming from the "ghost in the machine," the spirit or soul. Creativity, then, can be seen as an expression of the soul and individual motivation.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperament#Rudolf_Steiner_and_the_four_temperaments

[edit] Rudolf Steiner and the four temperaments

See also: Four humours

In his lectures on education, Rudolf Steiner brought a new approach to the four classical temperaments: melancholic, phlegmatic, sanguine and choleric. He emphasized their importance in elementary education, as this is a time when the child is strongly affected by his or her nature in this respect. A person's temperament may change, especially in the pre-puberty years, and in any case diminishes in importance as the personality becomes more developed after puberty.

In any case, the temperament is not exclusive; most people combine aspects of all of them. One or two may dominate, however, or be prominent by their absence. In addition, for each temperament Steiner pointed out that there are less and more mature forms: the sullen, self-absorbed melancholic can mature to the sympathetic helper and/or the deep thinker. A person may transform his or her own temperament, as well, either by becoming more mature in what is naturally given or by metamorphosing into a different temperament.

[edit] See also

• Four Temperaments
• Five Temperaments
• MBTI
• Socionics#Temperaments - a rather different usage of the term

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Category: Personality